"l looked back at our married life, and all the hurt and anger and hatred I felt, all the loneliness and rejection of the past eight years came out. lt just overwhelmed me. I couldn't handle it."
After Sam and I were married for a few years, I began to suffer depressions. These weren't simply bad moods; they were like being in a pit. I would be so depressed that sometimes I couldn't talk for a day-and-a-half. All I could see was darkness. I could have been in the Garden of Eden during that time, and I would only have seen the dirt.
I suffered these depressions periodically for eight years. As a result, I was on anti-depressants most of the time. I took Librium; I had shock treatments; and I took three to four Valiums a day for nearly four years. At that time, I didn't have much of a religious life. I went to church occasionally, but it was a social thing to me. I would go one week but not the next, depending on how much entertaining we had done the night before and things like that.
When my husband Sam did this big turn-around [read Sam's conversion story] and began to believe in Jesus I thought, "Well, this is just another thing with him, like work or the buddy system or something like that; it's just one more thing to take the place of me and the kids." So I remained depressed for a long time after his conversion. In fact, I was suspicious and resentful towards it.
During this time I had to have surgery for removal of an internal growth, and Sam prayed with me for it. When they opened me up, they found that I had a cyst but that it was all shriveled up. I was relieved, of course. I do believe now that the Lord healed me. But still, there was something else that the Lord had to work out in my life. Soon after the surgery, it all became apparent.
The day came when I looked back at our married life, and all the hurt and anger and hatred I felt, all the loneliness and rejection of the past eight years came out, rushing on me and burying me. It just overwhelmed me -- so much hurt and violence, so much terrible anger. I had buried all these feelings for years, and now, they were all exposed, and I couldn't handle them.
I called my psychiatrist and told him I had to get away. I said I couldn't handle this anymore. He told me to see him at the hospital rather than at his office, but when I arrived, he signed me in.
I couldn't believe it! Hospitalization was the last thing I wanted. But my psychiatrist insisted, so finally I gave in. I told him that I wanted no tranquilizers of any kind, but I let him admit me.
During my stay in the hospital, I was forced into complete honesty, with all my feelings exposed, and it was then that the Lord came to me in a personal, saving way. I could finally let him in, and he saved me.
It happened on Easter weekend -- Resurrection Day. I was still really angry. I remember saying, "If God really loves me, why am I in a mental institution? I don't want to be here. This is not fun!" But one of the nuns that worked at the hospital was in charge of coordinating some of the Easter services, and for Holy Thursday and Good Friday she asked me to lead a scripture service. Of course, I had no idea what to do, but I promised I'd try. I wondered why she asked me and why I ever agreed to do it, but that's how God worked.
As I told people about Jesus on that weekend -- about his love, his passion and death, his loneliness and rejection -- I really came to know in a whole new way that Jesus really did understand and care about me, personally. He knew me and loved me, Marge Lynd, right where I was, and he wanted to help me. God chose that time, and that day. Suddenly he was my personal Savior, and I knew it.
I accepted Jesus as my living Savior five years ago, and I haven't suffered a single depression since. I've never taken an anti-depressant or tranquilizer, and I've suffered no withdrawals. More importantly my whole relationship with God and with Sam and the children has changed. Jesus is with me all the time now, every day. He's really alive. He's there when I get up in the morning and when I go to bed at night. Through the night, he's there. Now I have a personal relationship with him. It's like having a friend with me always -- one I can really talk to and listen to. I know that he loves me, that he hears me and is working in my life.
Before, I never knew God in a personal way. I don't think I ever had an honest conversation with God. I just never realized that this kind of close, loving relationship was possible. Now it seems incredible to me that I didn't know about it. And now that I do know it, my life is healed.
Marge Lynd Age 40, homemaker, married 21 years, 5 children
(written in 1979)
How Wtness.org heard of this story: Bob Ovies, the long-time deacon of the now-closed St. Columban church in Birmingham, Michigan, shared with Bill Griffin, Managing Editor of Wtness.org, a book Bob had edited titled "New Lives". In this book was the story of Marge Lynd of Royal Oak, Michigan, who Bob knew personally in 1979 when this story was written. In 2015, Bill contacted Marge, who still lives in S.E. Michigan with her husband Sam Lynd, and she gave Wtness.org permission to reprint her story.
- Year Occurred 1974
- Location United States
- Previously Published New Lives - Edited by Bob Ovies